No Life Regrets
How often do we hear people expressing regret about the loss of something or someone in their lives whether it be a job, a relationship, a person or thing. Below I will share some of my thoughts, contemplation and experiences as I evaluated my feelings and thoughts about being in regret. You might find some little nuggets to consider as you read my sharing on loss and regrets, and may look at things a little bit differently.
As we all know and have experienced, anything can happen at any time in life, there have been, are and always will be surprises and unexpected situations. And when they do happen, many people find themselves in regret with thoughts of what if, if only, should haves, could-haves and coming from a space of now it is too late and often find we are really beating ourselves up about this whole loss and regret idea.
After putting myself through years and years of these feelings, I decided to take another look. It took some time for me to realize, there are are a variety of ways to look at any given life situation. Here I am going to hone in on an area I struggle with which was (and still is to some degree) and that is, the passing away of people throughout my life. I experienced all of the feelings associated with loss and regret finding myself thinking I should have done more, I should have spent more time, I should have called, on and on with those should-haves along with could-haves! Sometimes the passing of people in my life was expected to be coming soon, other times it was very unexpected or I found out them it came very quickly which caused yet another level of shock at what I used to refer to as loss. As I looked at my feelings and regrets, I came to realize, I can and get to look at the situation from different perspectives and as I did so, I was able to stop feeling bad about things that happen in life, in my past and now. Next I will share some of the process I went through in the instance of people passing away.
We All Have Thoughts of Regret
First, I contemplated the situation considering why a person would leave their body. Some of the things I personally thought, contemplated and considered was the possibility that when a soul leaves their body, they may have actually completed what they came here to do in this lifetime; maybe this was the perfect time for them to go; maybe their experience may very well have had something to do with me and my growth, including them leaving; and could it be that it was “mission accomplished” for them? I consider that after a person leaves their body, would this person want you to be in a space of regret, do you not think they would prefer you be gratitude and appreciation for any time and moments you actually did share or the parts of yours or their life you were involved in or responsible for? A very common and normal example many experience is feeling like they didn’t spend enough time with the person while they were here.
Next, I considered how it had contributed to my life. I did a review of our experience together, our interactions,our growth, my growth, insight and wisdom gained from the person and the experience of them from beginning to end. This ended up being a beautiful review of our relationship, an honoring. Then finally, I found myself in more gratitude, it showed up very naturally after the life evaluation, my heart swelled and I was so thankful for it all, whether it might be called good or bad, it provided me with insight, wisdom, understanding and compassion . . . all if it benefitted me in some way, I just had to take another look, step back further and things just become clearer and clearer.
Looking at Things from Various Perspectives
This is one of my favorite tools these days as it has allowed me to re-evaluate so many things and people throughout my experience in this life. I regular practice re-evaluating anything I feel a loss or regret about, in fact, anything that doesn’t provide me joy, love, passion or gratitude. By looking at it and asking myself, what are the different ways I can look at this, what might it look like from another’s perspective (or the other’s perspective), how might they be telling the story? Is there a bigger picture? I step back and look at what else it has affected and how the situation made things change for me. When I look at things from the past then look at where I am today, I can often realize that because of it, I went a different direction, it changed everything. In the moment and during the transition of it, it seems so dreadful and bad, but look at it again in a few years, look at where you are in ten years, you very well may be surprised to find yourself somewhere you never imaged, all because that situation played out exactly as it did! Everything Happens for a reason!
Everything Happens for a Reason
So through this, I personally found the realization that everything happens for a reason, perfectly and in the perfect time. We don’t always see this in the moment of the life change, the “tragedy”, the “loss” or such but down the road, we often realize this perfection. It is all a part of how this life experience works and as we look at things from different perspectives, we start to do it all the time, in the moment and even notice that we are looking at things from various perspectives, even changing our mind and finding a better feeling perspective. It is amazing how much choice we have. I began to ask myself, how do I want to feel? I choose not to be in regret and the feeling of lack. When these feelings come up, right away, I take another look at the situation, person or experience, I evaluate various perspectives and often I rewrite the story, I rewrite my past or at least my perspective, the way I tell the story and my feelings about it! Remember, the further you step back, the clearer things get, it is a huge step to make let go of old stories and feelings and choose something different. (We’ll be sharing more on perspective and change very soon).
When we stop and choose to look at things from a variety of perspectives and choose a more positive that is one of gratitude, love, and appreciation for what it did provide. When we look for ways that the person or situation was good, things begin to change within us. The more we practice this, the more natural it becomes, without being forced and we often end up rewriting stories we have been telling for a long time. When one is in truth, this is not difficult but what is are the habits of old beliefs and by bringing ourselves back to gratitude and focus on the good. We then retrain ourselves from the space of lack and regret into one of gratitude.
Gratitude Always Increases Your Latitude
Have you ever noticed that by going to gratitude, over feelings of regret or lack, in any situation, about anyone or anything makes you feel better. Even if you must shift your focus totally to something else in your life you are in gratitude for, you will feel better. Consider what you do have to be grateful for, there are an amazing number of things and often it is often the little things we take for granted. Take a gratitude inventory, make a list then keep adding to it with anything from health, appearances, having a vehicle or some sort of transportation option, the people in our lives, a roof over our heads, clothing, warm water in our home, our lungs, food, nature, the list goes on and on. By focusing on the things in our lives we have to be grateful for, we bring our spirits up and get our focus of the lack and into gratitude and being thankful for the things that are there. Try this exercise and see how it immediately lifts you up and elevates your vibration! For instance, my grandparent passed and I was in so much gratitude knowing how fortunate I was to have had your them in my life for so long and any time I was able to spent with them.
Here is a simplified reference of some of the processes and tools I use:
- Evaluate current thoughts and beliefs about the situation or person and look at it from a variety of different perspectives, choosing one that is more positive and/or “feels” better.
- Consider what I learned, how I grew in wisdom, compassion, strength, etc. as well as where I am and who I know because of the situation or person.
- Remember that everything happens for a reason even if I cannot see this in the peak of the situation, things may very well become clearer later.
- Be in gratitude for insights, perspective, wisdom, compassion, connections and experiences made because of it (or them) and/or remember all I have to be grateful for.
No Regrets In My Heart
Not only do I use the methods or tools above but I also practice having no regrets residing deep in my heart. As they come up, I am able to just let them go keeping all of what was shared above in mind. Looking at things from different perspectives, remembering everything happens for a reason, telling a different story about it and being in gratitude. Additionally, I realized that holding onto regret and lack does not serve me or anyone in the here and now, it only holds us back. I have shared several pointers with you that will help bring your vibration up, tools to help you find more happiness and to be in more Gratitude.
Moving on to a space of no regrets and no expectations to the outcome of anything allows you complete freedom. And trusting and knowing that the Universe or God directs us in mysterious ways at times but it is indeed for our growth in awareness, compassion and love even though we may not understand at the time. What you will experience by not being attached to anything is an unparalleled freedom. We’ll get more into not being attached in another post.
Remember to practice being in gratitude each and every day by remembering how very much you really do have to be grateful for and how rich your life truly is, really take notice. With this focus, you will find an amazing joy and contentment in your day-to-day life. And in this contentment comes the realization of how much you really do not NEED that you once thought you did . . . These are some of my treasures that helped me shift beyond the feelings of loss and regret and into a space of love and gratitude and joy.
Please share your thoughts on having no life regrets in the comments below! And thank you from all of us at, Oneness Love.